Anonymous asked:
More you might like
instructor144 answered:
It can be anything from sending a text “Give me three deep breaths” to “clench hard for me” to “send me a selfie after you’re dressed for work” to “be mindful with your lunch selection at the restaurant” to “let me know when you’re home safely” to “you’ve had a rough one at work today, when you get home I want you to kneel and settle for me for 5 minutes” to “I want you under the covers no later than 10PM tonight.” The hundred and one little daily reminders that “this is not a ‘normal’ relationship.”
How to validate
Validation is ultimately about helping communicate some level of understanding of what the other person is thinking or feeling. It is not necessarily about agreement, but more about acknowledging and legitimizing at least a kernel of truth in someone’s experience. Feeling understood often has the result of reducing emotional intensity and increasing psychological flexibility. If you think of conflicts as a kind of tug of war, usually the harder you pull causes the other person to redouble her efforts and pull harder herself. Rather than escalate to conflict, validation is a bit like dropping the rope and getting on the side of the other person. All of a sudden there is no reason for her to continue pulling because you’re on the same side. That is how validation works.
A list of different ways to validate:
- Be present: Pay attention, nod, use eye contact. Show you are listening.
- Reflect feelings: Identify her feelings, describing them without judgment. If you can, allow yourself to feel a little of the feeling yourself and communicate it with your tone of voice.
- Restate the position: Summarize the other person’s perspective without judgment. Ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand the position, and also to signal you care about understanding.
- Normalize the other person’s thoughts and feelings: Identify how her reaction makes sense given past experience or the present context. The basic underlying meaning of this kind of validation should be “Of course!”
- Match vulnerability with vulnerability: If she is being vulnerable, self-disclose your own vulnerability. The subtext with this kind of validation is “Me too!”
From here
Dec 12 evening update from bdsmlr Support
Update 2 11th December 2018
Our servers are definitely begging for mercy again (nope, they’re not getting any though) today. We have broken all the records by mile again, so we’re working on scaling up once more.
Fixed issues:
- Changes to the default blog theme layout which caused everything to be tiny on mobile devices
- Huge GIF based avatars caused long load times due to their size
- Image size scaling on multiple pages to improve the performance
- Problem with changing email address in settings fixed
- Optimizations to reblogs from personal blogs (was extremely slow on mobile devices)
Tumblr Doomdays .
If my blog is deleted from tumblr . I can be found on MeWe as …toolman 62lost .
Yeah I know I left a space in between toolman and 62lost , oh well .lol
Have a great night everyone 😉
Happy Birthday to my friend A.V. Better know as resplend3nt-rap4cious may you have a wonderful day being your 1098 yrs old.

“The little things? The little moments? — They aren’t little.”
— John Kabat-Zinn
(via purplebuddhaquotes)
